The Life Story of Kimahri
by Silver Neko
Summary: The story of Final Fantasy 10 as told by Kimahri. Its complete! Yay!
1. Kimahri cry like little raincloud

The Life Story of Kimahri  
  
~INSPIRATION! This is the story of Final Fantasy 10, told by the tiny 'lil Ronso: Kimahri! Yay! This one is all done by me, the Silver Neko. NOT by that Pink little brother of mine! So there!~Silver Neko  
  
"Where do Kimahri start? Oh, it all begin when Kimahri was little Ronso. Wait...better move up to important part, like when stupid brothers break Kimahri's horn off. Kimahri no want to talk about that. Kimahri remember time when man in red young. He bleeding and crawling up side of Mt. Gagazet when Kimahri was making snow angels. He say to Kimahri...uh...he say lots of stuff. In nutshell, he tell Kimahri to go to Ba...bav...really big city, and find daughter of Summoner. He say to take her to Island of Besaid. Like idiot Kimahri is, Kimahri say, "Kimahri will do this." Man in red promptly die right there. This secretly amuse Kimahri. So Kimahri walk and walk for long time. Then Kimahri find little girl on bridge. Kimahri say, "You Yuna?" She say yes. Kimahri tell her all that man in red told Kimahri. Little girl actually believe what Kimahri say. So Kimahri put little Yuna on Kimahri's shoulder and off we go. At first, Kimahri plan on eating little Yuna, she very plump. We get to place with large green thing that you ride across big river. Little Yuna fall into water. Kimahri make no attempt to save. She fall again. Kimahri pretend not to see. Stupid green thing keep saving little Yuna from watery grave. Kimahri scratch nasty word on green thing's back leg. So Kimahri and little Yuna travel across Spira. Little Yuna pick Kimahri pretty flowers from side of road. Kimahri is touched. Kimahri smell pretty flowers. Kimahri then spend 4 days in ditch on side of road screaming in agony as poison take over Kimahri's guts. Kimahri get over it. Yuna very sorry about it too. Soon Kimahri and little Yuna get on boat and get to Besaid Island. Kimahri take little Yuna to temple. They very happy to have her. Kimahri's work done. Kimahri start to leave but little Yuna grab tail and scream for long time. She imprinted on Kimahri as parental figure. Kimahri filled with guilt so Kimahri decide to stay on nice Island and spend remainder of sad, sad life in peace. Kimahri did not realize how wrong Kimahri was.  
  
At first, all good. Little Yuna make friends with little boy with odd hair and little boy with odd hair's brother. Then Yuna make friends with small lady with big boobs BEFORE she had boobs. They make Kimahri's life non-happy. "Play hide and seek with us, Kimahri!" Kimahri get lost for 2 weeks. "Play ball with us, Kimahri!" Kimahri throw ball so hard that it hit hut and shatter it. Kimahri have to clean mess. "Swim with us, Kimahri!" Large angry fish nearly eat Kimahri. Kimahri not tell you about time Kimahri play leap frog. So little Yuna soon become big Yuna. Little lady with big boobs become BIG lady with big boobs. Man with odd hair and brother get big. Man with odd hair brother go away to fight Sin. He die. Kimahri say, "Thank god." Kimahri very happy. Yuna decided to become Summoner like father. Kimahri secretly glad because that mean she die soon. So Kimahri decide to be Yuna's guardian on journey she soon make. Summoner that lady with big boobs was guarding die, so lady with big boobs come back to island and decide to guard Yuna too. This awakens unspeakable terror in Kimahri's soul. Then man with odd hair decide to become guardian! Why must all those who plague Kimahri always follow?!  
  
So Yuna go deep in to temple with Kimahri and boobie lady. She pray and pray and pray.....then she pray some more. Kimahri stuck in room with large breasts. Kimahri slowly going insane. When last time Kimahri see sunlight? When last time boobs not take up all of Kimahri's line of eyesight? Then it happen. The one moment in Kimahri's horrible life that things go from screwed to damned.   
  
Blond boy step into room.  
  
Kimahri snarl and reach for Lance so that Kimahri can stab blond boy in chest. Then man with odd hair come in and say no hurt blond boy, he just stupid and want to help. Then blond boy start talking and making sounds that sound like words, but really whiney. Kimahri's brain confused. Kimahri want to scream in agony and fling self from high cliff onto jagged rocks. Suddenly Yuna pop out of pray room and fall down stairs. Kimahri catch because there too many witnesses. And Kimahri no want to mop up mess. Yuna and blond boy yammer on and on and some where around then, Yuna call big UGLY summon bird to come and look pretty for all the people. Later that night, Lady with big boobs and man with odd hair start screaming at each other about blond boy from 1000 years ago. Kimahri trying to sleep godammit! Kimahri say, they should of just let Kimahri stab blond boy there and then and all would be happy again.   
  
Next morning, Kimahri wake up early and sneak down road to hide. Later, blond boy from 1000 years ago come prancing down road like little pick he is. Kimahri jump down and look all scary and then start to try kill blond boy. But blond boy fight back! Kimahri almost get blond boy, but then Yuna and others come and make Kimahri stop. They say killing is bad. Kimahri know that not true. So we go to boat and get on. Kimahri stand in corner and not move. Blond boy try to talk to Kimahri. Kimahri just glare at him until he go away. Then Sin come. Oh no, the horror. Kimahri fight, everyone fight. Yuna summon ugly bird again, bla bla bla. Then blond boy get washed overboard! Yay! Then man with odd hair jump in and save him. Damn. So by time we get to Kili...kil...K something, Sin had smashed everything. Then Yuna do dance where dead people go away. It very pretty. Pretty until fire turn BLUE and give Kimahri heart failure! "It ghost of Christmas past! Noooo! Kimahri will be good Ronso! Kimahri promise!" No one tell Kimahri fire turn blue at dead dance. No one tell Kimahri anything."  
  
.......To be continued.....  
  
~Yay! This is going to take FOREVER to write, godammit! Why do I do this to myself? Why?! Oh yeah...the fact that since I'm typing, my Grandma assumes I'm doing homework so she leaves me alone. Ahh....bliss.~Silver Neko 


	2. Kimahri like pie

~Yay! Part two! Worship me!~Silver Neko  
  
"Next day, Kimahri and others climb up many steps to get to next temple. Fight big ugly thingy on way. Fight ANOTHER big ugly thingy in middle of steps. Get to temple. Kimahri shove blond boy from 1000 years ago off elevator when he try to follow. Blond boy bitch about this for while but then elevator finally go down. So there Kimahri was: stuck in room with boobs of doom and happy man with unnatural hair. Guess what happen next. You guess it. Blond boy pop into room. You not know how much Kimahri want to stab something right then. Blond boy from 1000 years ago say that he FORCED down here. Kimahri never hear stupider lie in whole life. So then Yuna all done praying. She then call fire dog thing that look pretty nice, but not best summon Kimahri ever see. Then Kimahri and others head back to shredded town of...Kili....Kil...Kilika and get on boat again. That night, while Kimahri looking at pretty water, Kimahri hear lady with big boobs and man with odd hair screaming at each other AGAIN about blond boy from 1000 years ago. They say they going to ditch him in Luca. Kimahri practically leap off boat with joy. Then Kimahri see blond boy start to screw around with Blitz ball. He fall on ass. Kimahri giggle. Kimahri then head downstairs to sleep. Next day boat arrive in Luca. We get off boat and get interviewed by people who talk much about Blitz ball, but Kimahri was not really paying attention. Suddenly, idiot blond boy leap onto box with mike and yell stupid blond boy things. Kimahri roll eyes and silently vow to push blond boy off dock. We then see Maester come off boat. Boring. Kimahri and others go into stadium and mess around.   
  
Then Yuna want to go look around Luca for "cultural value" and stuff. So we go outside and then run into evil blond boy from 1000 years ago. Why do you deny Kimahri the pleasure of dieing god? We go to theater, we go to market place. We go to cafe, and guess who Kimahri run into? Brothers Biran and Yenke. Kimahri hates those bastards. Biran insult Kimahri. Yenke, like stupid yes man Yenke is, say same thing. Blond boy tell Kimahri to smash Biran. For once in blond boy from 1000 years ago's existence, he say something that not make Kimahri want to kill. Kimahri punch Biran in face. Biran fall down and not get up. Kimahri do happy dance. Suddenly little voice in Kimahri's head start yelling. It say something wrong. Kimahri look around. Uh-oh....Yuna gone. Lady with big boobs come and say that Al Bhed Blitz ball team kidnap Yuna so that they win game....or something. So Kimahri, blond boy from 1000 years ago and lady with big boobs, go off to save Yuna from Yuna;s impending doom. Whee. On way, we get attacked by sac-ro-ligious machines. On little TV we see that man with odd hairs team not winning game. Kimahri silently pump fist into air many times to express Kimahri's joy. We get to boat that start to get away, so we all jump on. Big sac-ro-ligous machine pop up and try to kill. After long time, blond boy and booby lady to stuff to a thingy and it kill large machine. Then Yuna come out of boat and all is happy. Then lady with large breasts make light ball in sky so man with odd hair know that he can kick Al Bhed team's ass.  
  
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO KIMAHRI! Wait...that different story. Never mind. So after blond boy play blitz ball game (and lose), fiends attack stadium. Then....IT MAN IN RED! HE COME BACK FROM HELL! HE BACK FOR KIMAHRI'S SOUL! Wait...no...he not dead. Maybe he just take nap when he was bleeding all those years ago and got better. Whoo, that load off Kimahri's back. Fight fight fight....kill kill kill, Seymour call big spooky summon that kill all bad things and all is good. Good until man in red decide to become Yuna's guardian. VERY BAD when blond boy become guardian too! Oh how Kimahri's soul wept. Shall Kimahri ever know good fortune? Then for awhile, Yuna and blond boy start making odd noises. It just as Kimahri feared: Blond boy infect poor Yuna with stupid. We go along Mi'hen road untill old man stop us and start talking. He no stop talking! What he even talking about? Kimahri only hear noises that sound like words but not. After he finally shut up and no one looking, Kimahri trip old man and run. Tee hee. Later, Yuna and other crazy Summoner have crazy summon fight Yuna win. Yay. Much much farther on, we run into craaaazy nun lady. She like female version of blond boy! Whine whine whine! Urge to stab....so great!  
  
FINALLY we get to hotel place and Kimahri buy self shiny new spear and armlet. Suddenly all screaming is what Kimahri hear. Monster that eat Chocobo is outside....eating Chocobo, what else? That soul reason for its existence. To make long boring story short, we get pushed off cliff. Monster feast on Chocobo. Who give a damn? We get to Mushroom rock. We meet Seymour. He talk and talk and make Kimahri wish he had coloring book and crayons. So then we walk walk walk until Kimahri ready to stab self in foot. Finally we get to "Command Center". It seem that Crusaders and Al Bhed teaming to make Sin go boom. Man with odd hair start yelling why this is bad. Kimahri stand in corner until suddenly, creature that is bait for Sin escape and start doing what Sinspawn do, kill. So Kimahri forced to fight and Kimahri get hurt many times. Blond boy cry and bitch when he get hit. Yuna finally kill large thing with Summons. Whoohoo. Sin come. Sin get shot at. Little pieces of Sin fall in water and Crusaders on Chocobos attack little Sinspawns. Al Bhed then shoot Sin with big machine. Sin promptly make Machine explode. Lots of people die. Oh well, that life."  
  
~Hahahaha! That's my Kimahri! Thanks for the reviews! Next part as soon as I damn well feel like it!~The Neko who happens to be Silver 


	3. Kimahri hate Qactuars

~Sorry it took so long to get this up. But you see, I've been rather depressed. You see, Invader Zim, my favorite show and reason for waking up every morning, has been canceled. I feel so hollow inside. Oh well...enjoy.~The sad, juice filled Silver Neko  
  
"After Yuna do dead dance for all of the dead people who got `sploaded by Sin, Kimahri and others start down road to Djose Temple. Along way, Kimahri turn around and for first time since Kimahri meet blond boy, Kimahri talk to blond boy. Kimahri say all sorts of stuff about smiling and rainbows. Why? Because Kimahri found pretty flower on side of road. Colors! That why Kimahri talk to blond boy and then smile. Kimahri never do this again, ever! But stupid Kimahri pick a few minty flowers because they addicting. When we get there, first thing that happen is that we get attacked by waves of horrible little squirrel like things that chase you and when you stop they stop and jump up and down all cute like to make you drop guard, and then...they hope more! Nooooo! Kimahri not like squirrel things. Not at all. So anyway, Kimahri and others go into temple, get past easy little puzzles and then Yuna praaaaaay and praaaaay. She then get Kimahri's favorite summon: Lightning Unicorn who's name start with letter I! So next day, while Yuna sleep in, man in red spend all morning chopping squirrel things up because he say they had it coming. Kimahri not know what this mean but sliced and diced squirrel things sure am tasty! So then we go down road to...uh......place with green thing that still have not nice word on foot. On way, we run into female version of blond boy from 1000 years ago and she say things. Kimahri not listen. Kimahri shut down brain so that Kimahri can maintain sanity. Nun lady leave. Kimahri think worst am over. Kimahri wrong!  
  
We run into Kimahri's stupid brothers Biran and Yenke while they torture small child. They say they here to warn Yuna about summoners disappearing. They then run off laughing like idiots they are. We THEN run into crazy summoner lady and she and Yuna do crazy summoner battle again. Yuna win. Whoo. After while, we get to Moonflow river. Very pretty. Blond boy say that we should.....AHHHHH! BRAIN MEATS ON FIRE FROM PURE STUPID OF BLOND BOY! KILL KIMAHRI! KILL KIMAHRI NOW! KILL KIM....wait....never mind. Kimahri better because Kimahri drop sliced up squirrel things leftovers down back of blond boy from 1000 years ago's shirt. Teehee. He do funny dance for long time. We get to green thing Warf. People try to sell Kimahri expensive crap. Kimahri yell. They go away...then come back in force. Kimahri's Lance get painted pretty new shade of red that day. So we get on green thing and all is good. Blond bloy ramble on stupidly while Kimahri sleep with eyes open. We then get attacked by Al Bhed. Wow. Kimahri not see that coming at all, even with eyes open. Al Bhed take Yuna underwater. Blond boy and man with odd hair dive in and after long time and large explosion, they come out with wet Yuna. Yay. So we get to other end of river and while Kimahri deal with more annoying salesmen, Blond boy from 1000 years ago run off and find Al Bhed girl washed up on shore. How do Kimahri know this is Al Bhed? Al Bhed have funky swirl in eyes. Oh and blond boy also say she Al Bhed. Who care? Blond boy say she his friend or something. Once again, who care?  
  
Much to Kimahri's unspeakable horror, Yuna make Al Bhed girl guardian. What's with that? So we go down long road and Al Bhed girl start stealing from critters and even from man in red! He yell and she say it mistake, she say she thought he was treasure chest. Why does that sound so wrong to Kimahri? So we get to Guadosa...sala....Guado home. It then that Kimahri find out that Al Bhed girl carry tasty treats with her! She say that she give Kimahri treat if he do a little dance. Kimahri danced. Oh how Kimahri danced! He dance like never before. Very tired afterward, but tasty treats worth it! In Guado home, ugly old man Guado come and invite Yuna to party with Maester Seymour. He half Guado, you know. So then we go into Seymour's home and there is LOTS of nummy food. Kimahri gorge self. After that, Seymour make stuff happen. He show us...uh....uh...memories of dead people. We see blond boys home: city that name begin with Z. He start to get that face people make when they about to cry like Kimahri did when they cancel Invader Zim (KIMAHRI LOVE THAT SHOW!). But before blond boy cry, Seymour show us thingy of lady who kinda not wearing clothing and other Summoner guy who is very important. They hug and before the GOOD stuff happen, Seymour shut off memory thingy and ask Yuna to marry him.  
  
Yuna get all kooky and weird right then. She say she need time to think. We go to Farplane window and look at little balls of light that are dead people as they frolic in the joy of being dead. Kimahri envy the dead. For some odd reason, man in red and Al Bhed girl not go in. Why? Kimahri say, THEY GHOSTS! ALL AFTER KIMAHRI'S SOUL! THEY FEAST UPON THE FLESH OF-gaaaahhhh....ooohhh....mmmmmmm...Kimahri like large animal tranquilizers. So anyway, man with odd hair talk to dead brother, Yuna talk to dead parents and Kimahri give finger to dead balls of light because they repeatedly try to go into Kimahri's eye. When we leave Farplane, dead father of Seymour come out and babble. Yuna do dead dance and make him go away. He drop sphere. So ANYWAY, we go to Seymour's home, and he not there! Old man Guado say...well...he say stuff. Kimahri and others leave then. We go to Thunder Plains: Best place in world! First thing that happen is that Blond boy from 1000 years ago get hit by lightning. Kimahri smile at this. Blond boy get hit again. This make Kimahri giggle. He the get hit three times in a row and not move. Kimahri just laugh and laugh while Yuna cured him.  
  
Along way, Al Bhed girl start to act all freaky and finally we forced to go to hotel and rest. Kimahri dream of place where there am Blond boy with tail and he from another planet and he in love with Summoner like Yuna, only not. There also Black mage like lady with big boobs, only it have funny hat and no boobs. But scariest part of dream was when this ugly fat blue thing that was a Blue mage like Kimahri is and this rat lady who was Dragoon like Kimahri also is, melded together and they form....KIMAHRI?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The horror. Yep."  
~I always thought that the design for Kimahri was kinda weak. I mean, a Blue mage/dragoon? It just doesn't work very well. But I still loves my Kimahri!~ 


	4. Kimahri is the king of Candy Land!

~I'm nearly halfway done with this evil life sucking story! Yay! I also got me a Gamecube today! Yay! I forgot to buy a memory card. Shit!~Silver Neko, she likes them Pikmin  
  
"Soooo then we leave hotel and once again and for rest of way, blond boy from 1000 years ago get hit with lightning. Kimahri wonder, does blond boy even TRY to avoid lightning? Or do he like smell of own burnt flesh? Kimahri knows Kimahri does! So we go along and along way, Blond boy pray at funky rocks that glow. At third one, Kimahri start to become angered. As Kimahri raised Kimahri's lance to end the pain that was Blond boy, little Cactus thingy pop up and lead us all on a merry chase through Thunder Plains. Soon it lead us to old broken Thunder tower. As we look at tower, Blond boy started looking at self with pretty mirror he wasted Yuna's money on. He think he so pretty. He no be pretty for long once Kimahri has Kimahri's way with him! Mwahahahahahha! Anyway, Mirror start to sparkle and then Lighting start coming down around Kimahri and Blond boy from 1000 years ago really fast. Blond boy screech and curl into little ball on ground. Kimahri stay calm and not move. Lightning can sense fear, but it not seem to sense blond boy's fear because it not hit him. Not once! After Lighting stop, treasure chest pop up and inside am shiny lance. Man in red say it not up to full power yet or something and then he start rambling on about finding "Crest" and "Sigel" so that Kimahri's new lance can be used without killing Kimahri every time Kimahri use it. So Kimahri was forced to put lance in storage until Kimahri find Crest and other thing. Kimahri sad.   
  
We go back across Thunder Plains and enter shiny sparkly forest. On way, we meet lady with BIRDY HEAD! GASP! She have power over Butterflies. She play harp and say stuff about lucky blue butterfly and bad not good red butterfly. She say lots of things. As we start to leave, Bird lady pull Kimahri aside and say to Kimahri, "I've got the money if you've got the time." Kimahri not know what this mean, but anything that have to do with lady who has bird for head, is bad. Kimahri run away like Chinese man after ally cat. Just as we nearly out of forsaken forest and its evil butterflies who are really evil spies of bird lady, man in red cut new path and take us to wet place where spheres grow. There, we get attacked by big blob. MAN IN RED BROUGHT US HERE TO DIE! ARRRGH! We kill blob. Yay. We then look at sphere that hold many home movies of blond boy's papa doing stupid things just like blond boy does.   
  
After that, we finally get out of forest and into snow filled waste land of death. We go into hotel, we go out of hotel. Old man Guado pop up and say that Seymour want to meet Yuna at Macalania temple. That good because that where we going anyway. Then Yuna and old man Guado get attacked by Al Bhed. Damn, Kimahri not see that one coming. Al Bhed girl try to stop other Al Bhed, but they no listen since she has annoying voice and poor negotiating skills. After being burnt many times by large sac-ro-ligious machine, we smash it and make Al Bhed run away. Old man Guado is all happy about this and he and Yuna go off. We take jet ski thingys and ride off down road to temple. Kimahri think that hanging temple over large icy lake of doom am bad idea, but that only Kimahri's opinion. We get to temple and go inside and have to deal with happy party people. When we go into one room, some lady is all spooked because she was going through Yuna's stuff and she find sphere that Yuna get from dead Guado man. We take sphere from theif lady and take a look at it. Inside is a movie of the dead Guado man (who happens to be Seymour's papa) saying that Seymour is one who killed him and that Seymour is evil yada yada yada. Blond boy start doing pee pee dance and we all go into room where Yuna went. Inside am Seymour and two (Kimahri can count! Yay!) Guado guards. Yuna come out and we tell her that we saw the sphere movie and she say she came to get her new Summon AND kill Seymour. Seymour is not happy about this. We kill his guards and he summon his big spooky...uh....what it called? Oh, Aeon. Yes. Yuna summon HER Aeon: The lady made of ice who has one booby covered in ice. It kill Seymour's summon and then Kimahri stab Seymour in chest and he die.   
  
Before Yuna get a chance to send Seymour, old man Guado come into room MOANING and WHINING in way that make Kimahri's veins rupture. He call us traitors and drag Seymour's bleeding corps away. We get out of temple but Guado start to chase us. Why blond boy so slow? Could it be because Kimahri sharpen newest spear on blond boy from 1000 years ago's foot earlier that day? Who know? Kimahri so hungry right now. Anyway, they finally catch up to us and then after we kill them all, ice under feet shatter and we fall down into dark lake of doom. When we wake up, Yuna start crying and Al Bhed girl make moaning noises and blond boy run around like lost puppy. Man in red not do anything and lady with big boobs just....boobs. Suddenly Sin come. Oh no. There big explosion and next thing Kimahri knows, Kimahri is in horrible death filled desert of death. Kimahri all alone, no one here with Kimahri. YAY FOR KIMAHRI!  
  
While Kimahri was enjoying the HOT BURNING DEATH of desert, Kimahri decide that Kimahri might as well make small effort to find Yuna. Stupid head voices always filling Kimahri with guilt. So Kimahri tried to climb up sand dune. Kimahri slip down side. Suddenly, Kimahri hear voice of unspeakable doom. WHY AM BLOND HELLSPWAN NOT DIE?! KIMAHRI'S GRAMMAR ARE GETTING WORSE! GRAAAAAAAAH! So there was Kimahri: stuck in lifeless desert with blond thing from 1000 years ago. Soon we find lady with big boobs, man with odd hair, man in red and Al Bhed girl. Whee. We travel through hot sandy place in search of Al Bhed nest. Along way, many things happen. Kimahri get inhaled by large icky worm TWICE! Evil Cactus things pop up and start to to happy dance. Kimahri was disgusted by Cactus things glee filled antics and stomped Cactus things. Not smart, that what Kimahri is. Kimahri spend next 5 hours pulling needles from foot.  
  
Soon we get to Al Bhed nest. Oh no. It being attacked by Guado. Wow, pretty lights. Kimahri and others go into city and see some Al Bhed die. Cool. Then man named Cid come. He leader of Al Bhed AND Al Bhed girls papa. Kimahri never would of guessed THAT! We go into somewhere, get attacked, gah...head hurt....we then go into other room. Al Bhed girl start to cry. Man with odd hair hug her and start saying stuff. Kimahri scratch self. Then we get attacked again. After that, we go into room where Al Bhed keep Summoners. Al Bhed girl say that Al Bhed kidnap Summoners and bring them to nest because they no want Summoners to die when they call final Aeon. Blond boy gasp and ask if this true. OF COURSE IT TRUE! He not know that?! Stupid blond boy from 1000 years ago get stupider everyday. Blond boy then start to cry. He yell and scream and spit up all over ugly summon bird how then look really not happy. No one like blond boy. No one.   
  
So after blond boy have nice long cry, we all get onto flying airship and fly away. Wheee! Suddenly Cid man say things about....uh....EXPLOSHIONS! He make Al Bhed nest go boom and everyone happy. 'Cept for blond boy. Teehee. Kimahri laughs at his pain. Al Bhed man use doohickey to find Yuna. Oh no. She going to marry Seymour....who am dead. Kimahri's brain hurt now. Oh well. So after that, we find out that Fiends are on ship, we kill them. We then get really close to Ba...ba...AAAAAARG! KIMAHRI DON'T CARE ABOUT CORRECT WAY TO SAY NAME OF STOOPID CITY! Oh no! Large angry dragon thing come to kill us all in midair! We get up on top of ship and start to make large dragon thing hurt real bad. Al Bhed man hit dragon with missiles. It die. Whoo! Then we on way to save Yuna from horrible fate. Yay."  
  
~So many of you have made stories like mine because I made Kimahri funny. ME! MWAHAHAHA! Only the Silver Neko have 100 percent original super Kimahri filled fun! On another note, I'm trying to work up the nerves to write a lemon BECAUSE I LIKE LEMONS! WHOOOO! STEAMY! Yep. I need soda now.~Silver Neko, she likes Yoai 


	5. Kimahri wants LUV!

~Whoo, once again, I have another wonderful chapter of Kimahri's horrible life for all you peoples to read. Yay. Sorry it took so long, but I'm lazy~Silver Neko  
  
"We get close to big city and there on a large tower thingy, Yuna and Seymour are all dressed up and ready for sex, I mean wedding. Yes. That is what Kimahri meant. We slid down long rope thing (which shredded skin off of Kimahri's feet) and Kimahri's panties get seen by all. Why must monks and machines giggle so mockingly at Kimahri?! Kimahri LIKE "My pretty Ponies" panties! We kill many monk people and smash sac-ro-ligoius machines. Big fun! When we get to Seymour, he not happy. Yuna pull out summoner stick and say she gunna send Seymour. Seymour no like this. He say that if Yuna send him, he going to make Kimahri and others very dead. So Yuna drop stick and she and Seymour kissy kiss. Teehee! Seymour then say to kill Kimahri and others. Poopy. Yuna scream and then threaten to fling self off tower. WHOOHOO! Seymour not believe her, so she jump. Kimahri so proud of Yuna. She do one thing that Kimahri not have guts to do....aw crap! She call big ugly bird summon to save life. Poooopy!  
  
So then Al Bhed girl use Ninja vanish trick and make us run away. We go deep into temple and after solving very trippy and psycho puzzle, we get to pray room. Blond boy stupidly start to try to open pray door but he just weak and stupid, so Kimahri help, voices in head say it the right thing to do. Soon Kimahri shall destroy head voices. Blond boy go into get Yuna, but then guards come and attack. Kimahri and others get captured. We find out that all people in court of Measters am dead, except for Ronso one. YAY FOR RONSOS! We get sentenced to "Via Purifico" thingy. In other words, they just toss us into dusty place and HOPE we die. There no fun in that! Kimahri say, killing things personally am much fun. So Kimahri stand around for a while and wait for sweet death to claim Kimahri. Suddenly Yuna pop up with BOOBS GODDESS and we go and find man in red. Just as we nearly get out of bad place, Summoner man from Al Bhed nest come and say he must kill Yuna because....of....something. Oh Well. Yuna kick his ass. We leave. After some long and confusing running, We run into.......AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! DAMMIT! WHY BLOND BOY NO DEAD?! POOPY! Soooo, Yuna, Lady with big boobs, Man with odd hair, Blond boy from 1000 years ago, Man in red, Al Bhed girl and Kimahri, run like hell out of Ba-somthing.  
  
But bad things always happen when in the presence of Blond boy from 1000 years ago. We run into Seymour. Kimahri's hatred can not be denied any longer! MUST....STAB! So Kimahri stab. Kimahri stab good. So very good. Kimahri stab Seymour in belly. He no flinch. Kimahri confused. Kimahri did it right! Kimahri stuck the sharp end into the squishy thing that screams and bleeds, but Seymour no scream or bleed! That no good for Kimahri's self esteem. Kimahri want to cry now. Yuna and others run away and leave Kimahri to face Kimahri's horrible death. Poor Kimahri. No one love Kimahri. Kimahri most pitiful creature of face of Spira. So as Kimahri prepared to die painful death of super pain, Yuna decide to come back and save Kimahri. Hmmm, Kimahri's head voices must have infected Yuna too. So Seymour change into big evil thingy of doomy doom. We kill it. He disappear. But for good? Pfffft, not as long as Blond boy here.  
  
We escape city and go into Macalania woods to hide like fugitives we am. Yuna go off into spring to have a nice long cry and Kimahri guard path so that no one peep. Naked Yuna is site NO ONE want to see. Suddenly Blond Boy from 1000 years ago walk up and say something about stuff. Kimahri just plugged ears and screamed. Blond boy go away, but he head for spring. Oh well, his doom, not Kimahri's. So after awhile Kimahri hear Yuna start to cry and even though Kimahri no want to have to move lazy ass and go see what wrong, voices in head yell and make Kimahri feel bad. When Kimahri get to spring, Kimahri sees BLOND BOY and YUNA doing what is very close to MATING! Oh no! If Yuna breed with Blond boy then they create race of stupid blond people who can summon ugly birds! Nooooo! Oh well, Kimahri will most likely be dead by then. So Kimahri just stands there and watches. God, Kimahri needs to lose virginity so bad. Can't wait to get to Mt. Gagazet and be around NORMAL people again.   
  
Next morning, we get up and once again start off. We enter Calm lands and run into STUPID OLD MAN WHO NO STOP TALKING! NOOOO! HE...TALK! AAAARRGH! AND WE LISTEN! WHYYYY?! Oh, it over then. Yay! We go to trading post and run into man who was once Summoner that Man with odd hair and Lady with big boobs once guarded. Whoo. After he tell Yuna stuff and leave, Al Bhed guy tells us something. If Kimahri could understand a lick of Al Bhed, Kimahri would of told the others. But Kimahri doesn't, so boohoo. Then we run into Summoner lady and she and Yuna fight and Yuna win AGAIN. Yay. So for a while, Blond boy run around and catch monsters for monster place guy, learn how to ride Chocobo, and get neat new blue sword that kill useless until he gets stuff for it. Great use of time, really. So then we find old temple and in it am Summoner lady and we find out SHE dead. Wow. Just when Kimahri thinks Kimahri knows a person. So after many many fight fights, Yuna send Summoner lady and get new Summon: Three ugly bug ladies with cool attack. They cool, but Kimahri like Unicorn whose name starts with I better. Yep.  
  
We leave Calm lands and run into Seymour's minions. After we kill 'em good, we go into small valley and go into place where Lady with big boobs got first Summoner she ever had killed. Whoohoo. So we go inside and have to fight Ghost of dead Summoner and big Assassin Summon with cute Doggy! We kick ass, and the Yuna offer ALL OUR MONEY to Assassin Summon so it will come with us and help us not become dead. Yay. After that, we head up....MT. GAGAZET! YAAAY! Kimahri not been here since Kimahri meet bleeding Man in red! We climb up, but then all Ronso pop up and Kelk say Yuna no aloud on Gagazet. STARING CONTEST WITH BIRAN! After many many talking, Kelk say Yuna may climb Mt. Gagazet, but STOOPID brothers Biran and Yenke say that Kimahri no pass because Kimahri weak. WEAK?! Who was one who get hit in face and not get back up in Luca? Huh? HUH?! Kimahri then fight stupid brothers and beat their asses good. We go up mountain but then Biran pop up again and then ALL Ronso on Gagazet start singing Fayth song. Whoo. AFTER THAT, we climb high, high up mountain and find sphere that Yuna's papa made and it had many talking in it for Yuna. Yuna cry. Kimahri take dump behind rock. We move on.  
  
So we climb high, high, high up and then we run into Seymour again. He say that he just kill all Ronso. This make Kimahri sad and angry. Kimahri will never get laid now! So we fight fight fight, kill kill kill and Seymour die. But for how long? Hmm, Blond boy from 1000 years ago still alive, so not very long at all. As we go on up mountain, Kimahri find pretty thingy shaped like planet Saturn, so Kimahri make it into necklace. Teehee, it shiny! We find "Fayth cluster" and Blond boy pass out. He start twitching in sleep and screaming about city with name that start with Z. After everyone yell at Blond boy, he wake up with damp pants. We go into Cavern of Darkness and have to fight many not happy things and solve head exploding puzzles. Then we get out of place and Man in red start yammering about stuff. Oh no! Big monster! Kill! It dead then. We climb and climb and finally see it: City with name that start with Z. Hey, it not shiny at all. Kimahri so disappointed. So we go down to city and make camp fire for the night. Blond boy from 1000 years ago then decide to tell story of our craptastic adventures. Kimahri once again had to shut off oxygen supply to brain to be able to stay sane."  
  
~Yay! I'm somewhat nearly done with this garbage! After this, I must write a lemon! So...perverted...must write...about...nasty things! Mwahahahaha!~Silver Neko 


	6. Kimahri's nightmare is over!

~Yes! Thank you God! I have finally finished this story of pain and suffering, Kimahri style! Enjoy!~Silver Neko, fear her heart, for it knows no terror.  
  
"After horrible blond thing finish ranting about things that are blond, we grab weapons and head through dead Z city. Soon we get to dome thing and dead man pop up and talk. We then go INTO dome. Wow. Inside we see memories of people. Kimahri hates memories. One time in first grade, over weekend, Kimahri given sacred duty to take care of class pet: Miss Snoogles. Kimahri decided to take Miss Snoogles on underwater adventure. How was Kimahri supposed to know that the pressure inside the Submarine/Pepsi bottle was too high and would cause Submarine/Pepsi bottle to implode, killing Miss Snoogles inside. MISS SNOOGLES! AAAAAAAAAAH! Kimahri needs beer now...*Glug*...that better. So inside we fight ALL SORTS of dead things and see many memories of stupid people. We see young Seymour crying about stuff. Teehee. We see Yuna's papa and Man in red when he young man in red AND Blond monster from 1000 years ago's daddy. Whoo.  
  
  
So we get into the...thing...and inside there am puzzle...and...*Note to readers: Alcohol is kicking in* colors...must step on them. Nooo....guh....blond ducking step on wrong color. Now we have to restart the dance. Kimahri don't remember much then, all to bright. PUZZLE DONE! YES! Oh poop. A monster wants Kimahri's shinys. Kimahri needs this shinys to buy a copy of Green Plummer man's mansion. Ahhh, it make head exploady! Unicorn who's name starts with I saved the day! Yaaaay!   
  
So we go down thing and find out that Final Summon is dead or something. Kimahri both fears and longs for death. Everyone look sad then. But then new dead guy comes and says stuff. So we follow him and meet Lady who wears very little clothing. Wow. She yammer of about the light of hope and Spira's hope and hope and more hope. Hope again. She then say that one of Yuna's guardians must become Final Summon. Please pick Blond boy from 1000 years ago, please pick Blond boy from 1000 years ago, please pick Blond boy from 1000 years ago, please pick Blond boy from 1000 years ago, please pick Blond boy from 1000 years ago, please pick Blond boy from 1000 years ago. Please God, do not deny Kimahri this one simple wish! Puh-leese! Suddenly Yuna ask if some day Sin be defeated...and stuff. Lady with very little clothing say no. Man with odd hair yell and say stuff about mankind cleansing itself of Sin and atoning for sin and sin stuff. Once Kimahri say Sin too many times, word loses all meaning.  
  
Lady with very little clothing say that humanity will never reach that kind of Purity...or something. Shit. Kimahri sick of so much talking! So after that everyone is no happy and we (By "we" Kimahri means everyone but Kimahri) decide to no do Final Summoning. We go into spooky space room and tell lady with not much clothing this. Lady no happy. She say she going to put Kimahri and others out of our misery. Uh oh, Kimahri thinks that mean she gunna kill us....yep...Kimahri was right. So we fight fight fight and nearly become Zombies. At one time or another, Lady with very little clothing on turn into big icky head of DEATH. We then kill her good. So as Lady with very little clothing started to turn to dust, she moan about light of hope being gone and so on. She then say stuff about Yu Yevon. Kimahri no-SQUIRREL THING IN MOUTH! IT TAKING KIMAHRI'S GUM! CURSE YOU SQUIRREL THING! CURSE YOOOOOU! KIMAHRI SHALL HAVE KIMAHRI'S REVENGE....AND GUM!  
  
So we head out of big dome and outside is....Sin. When will the pee dry? Luckily, Sin see Pidgin and merrily chase after it. Al Bhed ship come and pick us up. Wheee! Kimahri is filled with girlish glee! While we on ship, Man with odd hair or Al Bhed girl come up with really stupid idea. They say that Sin gets all sleepy when Sin hears the Fayth song. Kimahri thinks that really, really shitty idea. Yuna like it though. So we decide to travel across Spira and tell people to sing happy song. Is Kimahri still drunk? Kimahri's hand is not talking to Kimahri or calling Kimahri "D" so Kimahri must be sober...for now. Along magical journey happy singing bright and shiny songs, we decide to go to super fun Omega Ruins and get killed....uh.....kill Omega monster. Yes. Let Kimahri tell you something: Monsters in Omega Ruins really fucking tough. After weeks of super non fun running around, we finally meet Omega....but it not really Omega. It just evil clone or something, according to Man in red. So we go in, fight horrible monster of super death and burning pain, and kill it. Yay.  
  
So after THAT, we head to Macalania woods and Kimahri spend a FUCKING YEAR chasing Butterflies while Lady with bird for head pinch Kimahri's ass every chance she get. Finally, Kimahri gets all the blue butterflies. Bird lady give Kimahri a new thing in shape of Saturn. Then Blond boy go off and find a round pulsing thing in a tree that make our weapons all good at killing things better by merging them with two shiny things. Kimahri lets thing have Kimahri's lance that Kimahri got at the Thunder plains. The thing takes Kimahri's two Saturn things and melds them with spear. Yay! Kimahri has kickass Lance of death now! After that, we head off and go to all temples again, talk to people, see dead people, talk to Fayths and buy Cherry Icees (Kimahri loves them Icees good). Finally it time to go fight Sin. So we get on top of ship and play happy Fayth song. Whee. Oh no, now Sin is super non happy. It do funky gravity death attack. We fight one arm, Al Bhed the shoot arm off. That very cool. We fight other arm, it get shooty shoot also. We then hurt Sin's head thingy. Sin the fall and crash into B city. Hehehe, smoke.   
  
Suddenly Sin sprout purdy wings and fly up onto building. Blond boy and Sin have staring contest. Goddamn blond boy. Then we fight. Oh how we fight. It suck to fight monster that could fit you up It's butt. Soon Sin die and dissolve. Suddenly we see fiery eyeball that giggle evilly. Yuna then say we have to go INSIDE dead Sin. What with that? So we go in and wonder around until we reach stairway and walk up it. Shit fuck god, Kimahri is in hell. It Seymour. He just no stay dead. Seymour yammer about controlling Sin but Kimahri no care! It stab time! We make Seymour hurt good and finally Yuna get to send stoopid Measter farplain where he can piss off little balls of light with his poopyness. Yay for Kimahri. We go up more stairs and into horrible tower thing that collapse, and suddenly the next thing Kimahri knows, we're all chasing shiny things around while pointy things try to poke us  
  
Then suddenly, we in place that look like city with name that start with Z, but all lights are off. We find Blond boy's popa. Blond boy scream that he hate his Popa. Popa look sad. Then he fling self into fiery pit of fire and pop out and Final Summon who look suspiciously like Blond boys Popa with claws. So let Kimahri get this strait, IF Blond boy had become Final Summon, Yuna would of Summoned bog hairy Blond boy with claws? *Shudder* Kimahri does not need that image in Kimahri's head. So we fight Blond boys popa and he die. Blond boy hold his popa in his arms and cry cry cry like Kimahri did when Kimahri went to see "A.I." Poor little robot boy doomed from the start. Sniff. So the icky black blob come and it am supposed to be Yu Yevon. Oookaay. Yuna let It posses her Summons and then she kill them. Yu Yevon then show It's true form: Black Tick with angle on tummy. Teehee! Kimahri wants to snuggle it! So we fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight *Inhales* fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight untill Yu Yevon dead like Kimahri's will to live. Yay.  
  
After that, Man in red tell us all that he IS ghost and that he want to be sent to Farplain now. He thunk Kimahri on the chest and the get sent by Yuna. Sniff, Kimahri will miss you, Man in red. You make best fried squirrel things in Spira. We get out of Sin corps and Yuna send all the Summons. Goodbye Unicorn who's name starts with I. Suddenly Blond boy from 1000 years ago says that he is a dream and that he going to DIE now. Sweet! Yuna try to hug him but she fall on face. Damn head voices are yelling at Kimahri again! Kimahri no want to feel bad! Kimahri want to be happy now! Blond boy say he LUV Yuna, Yuna say she LUV Blond boy. Blond boy the fling self off of flying ship. You can not comprehend Kimahri's joy right then.  
  
Months later, Yuna am savior of Spira and everyone love her. She makes big speech about starting a new life and Kimahri hums the Meow Mix song. So everyone happy. Yuna am Goddess, Lady with big boobs now PREGNANT for some reason, Man with odd hair is fat, Al Bhed girl makes machines work again, Man in red is gone, Blond boy is gone and Kimahri sits around and watches Blitz ball all day while eating sour cream and onion potato chips. Life is decent. Yay."   
  
THE END!  
  
~Yaaaaaaay! I'm done! Now I can write about...Pokemon? No, thats not right....eh, I need some new games to inspire me. I'm very VERY glad you people loved this story. The only reason I finished it was the great reveiws. So untill next time, I am....Silver Neko!~Silver Neko, forever the same. 


End file.
